Behind her anxiety: A stressed nervous system and the breath that heals

Imagine your daughter feeling empowered to take charge of her emotions, using the right tools exactly when she needs them. How would that make you feel?

You may have noticed changes in your daughter’s behaviour - she might be more emotional over things that never used to bother her, more withdrawn, increasingly perfectionistic, or quicker to become irritable. She might often say she’s tired, or complain of tummy aches and headaches.

On the outside, it looks like she’s trying her best. But inside she feels overwhelmed, and you may hear her say things like: “I can’t do this… Everyone is judging me… I’m not good enough.” She may start avoiding situations, even cancelling plans she once looked forward to.

These are all signs of anxiety and it’s entirely possible she has been struggling for a while, even if you’ve only recently noticed.

You may be wondering what caused these changes. As you know, an adolescent’s brain and body undergo huge changes as they begin the search for their identity: “Who am I and where am I going?” They’re caught between who they are becoming and who they believe they’re expected to be. Add the pressure to perform at school, hormonal and physical changes, worry about how others perceive them, friendship challenges and then layer on the complexities of growing up in a digital world with social media.

What’s actually happening beneath the surface

Our autonomic nervous system keeps us safe by activating the survival response (the sympathetic nervous system) when we encounter stressful situation which our body perceives as a threat. When the threat passes, the body should naturally return to its calm “rest and digest” state (the parasympathetic nervous system). In a balanced system, we move fluidly between these states - responding to stress, then recovering afterward.

The problem is, in our modern world we experience chronic, ongoing stress. The body gets stuck in survival mode, unable to return to calm. Without learning how to break this cycle, our mental, emotional, and physical health suffers. This is true not only for our girls - but for us as mums too.

When your teen’s nervous system becomes dysregulated, she remains trapped in “fight or flight.” The symptoms you’re seeing are her body’s way of coping. She’s doing her best to appear fine, but inside she’s wondering what’s wrong with her.

What if the tool she needs is always with her?

The first thing your daughter needs to understand is that there is nothing wrong with her. Her nervous system is doing exactly what it believes it needs to do to keep her safe. She just needs to learn how to guide it back to balance - how to shift herself into a calm, regulated state.

There are many ways to do this, and one of the most powerful tools is also the simplest:

The breath.

Breathing is unique because it connects the parts of our nervous system we consciously control with the parts that usually function automatically. Through the breath, the brain and body communicate directly. When we slow and deepen our breathing, we influence the autonomic nervous system - shifting the balance between the sympathetic “stress” response and the parasympathetic “calm” response.

Ancient wisdom meets modern science

The ancient yogis understood this already around sixth and fifth centuries BCE. Pranayama - the yogic practice of breath control - is one of the foundations of yoga. Prana refers to life force, the energising force within the breath, and ayama means to control or guide.

There are many forms of pranayama, each with its own purpose. We can use the breath to energise, calm, or focus - it is a toolbox for emotional wellbeing.

While yogis have been using these techniques for thousands of years, Western scholars began studying yogic texts in the early 1900s. Psychologists like Carl Jung wrote about the connection between breath and the mind in the 1920s. In the 1960s and 1970s, yoga teachers from India introduced pranayama to the West, sparking curiosity among doctors and researchers.

The major turning point came in the 1990s and early 2000s, when scientists began formally studying how controlled breathing affects the nervous system. This research confirmed what yogis had always known: conscious breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system and reduces stress. Lower heart rate, reduced stress hormones, improved emotional regulation - measurable, repeatable results.

Breathwork moved from ancient tradition into mainstream healthcare.

Breathing techniques to keep anxiety at bay

In my teen classes, we always begin with simple belly breathing with one hand on the belly, one on the heart. For some girls, it’s the first time they’ve truly connected with their breath. They learn the difference between shallow, automatic breathing and slow, mindful breath.

We first establish a steady rhythm, breathing into the belly so the hand rises gently as the diaphragm contracts. Then we introduce counting: keeping the inhale steady and making the exhale longer. We play with different counts to find what feels comfortable for each girl.

One of my favourite techniques is Bhramari, the bumblebee breath. I’ll admit that the first time I tried it, I thought it was strange! But it quickly became one of my favourites. With eyes closed and ears blocked, on the exhale we hum from the back of the throat, creating a soothing vibration in the head.

This humming stimulates the vagus nerve - the key nerve of the parasympathetic nervous system - helping the body shift out of “fight or flight” and into calm.

I teach the girls to notice subtle changes in their body and mind. Mindfulness takes practice, but once they feel the difference conscious breathing makes, they understand why it’s worth doing. This is how they learn to self-regulate. They don’t need anyone else to do it for them, the power is already within them.

When we activate the parasympathetic nervous system through controlled breathing, the body feels safe. And when the body feels safe, the mind can find calm and balance.

As my students become comfortable with foundational pranayama and asanas, we slowly explore more advanced breathing techniques together. I love watching their journey - how they move from “this feels strange” to “I love how this makes me feel.” Those moments are powerful. That’s when they realise that peace isn’t something outside of them, it’s something they can create themselves.

If you’d like support, inspiration, and guidance in helping your teen daughter navigate anxiety and grow into her confident, authentic self, follow me on Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube. I’d love to connect with you there.

With kindness in thoughts, words, and heart,

💜 Romana